Driving Miss Lazee–the sequel

After reading The Cowboy’s post yesterday I felt compelled to add my own comments:

Most of you recognize B.S when you see it but just to clear up any questions you may have this is how I, The Princess, see it:

So the Princess says “Why don’t “You” write something for OUR blog”. Not sure when this addiction became OUR’s but here goes.

The topic of Addictions is a whole ‘nother post.

First of all what she just doesn’t understand is being equipped with SOOOO much knowledge is a massive burden to carry as it is without the added weight of having to put it to script. But I will humbly try.

If you look up the word ‘humble’ in the dictionary you will NOT see The Cowboy’s face. In fact I wasn’t aware that word was even in his vocabulary. That being said, there are some words in his vocabulary that become incessantly louder especially when driving the motorhome down the interstate!

“Did you see that jerk? He cut right in front of me, well look out Mister! This a Diesel Pusher and I’ll just drive right over the top of you!”

Why?

Because the Princess asked that’s why. (He did get that part right!)

Let us begin this journey with an understanding that; No journey begins until The Cowboy has a large cup of coffee and his huge travel mug is filled to his liking.

Folks think everything revolves around the sun, but once you’ve kissed a Princess you “know” that everything in the universe revolves around her.

Uh huh! Well, about that revolving universe . . . The Cowboys travel itinerary also consists of planned snacks. He doesn’t like to eat a lot – he’s like a bear and likes to nap after he eats so we avoid that by having healthy snacks on the way. Just another thing that needs to be conveyed to all parties involved – will his whim be hot or cold, crunchy or soft, sweet or salty or all of the above?

Then there’s the timing of when these snacks will be requested. You can be sure that we will be weaving down the roughest part of the interstate or winding our way through a construction zone in a major city.

Do any of you understand the 12 months of Christmas? That is probably the first thing I had to learn. Christmas is not a single day, it is EVERY day. There are only two exceptions to this rule and that is Princess Birthday and Princess Anniversary day. The real easy rule to understand is when she says “Oh I don’t want anything for my######day. SHE DOESN’T MEAN IT, SHE DOEN’T MEAN IT, believe me. Did I say “SHE DOESN’T MEAN IT”. I only made “THAT” mistake ONCE.

Another, often heard statement: “Pull over and let me in you ______________(fill in your own profanity and there are plenty to choose from). When I signal that I’m turning left “I MEAN IT”!

Treat a woman like a racehorse, and she'll never be a nag.

So, to all of you envious women out there, after reading that statement – I’ll just bet you’re standing in line to take my place, eh?

When you are travelling in an RV you must make travel plans. These travel plans need to be conveyed to all parties involved. But not before 11:00 am and should not include any information other than where you will be taking her for dinner that evening, what type of stores will be near the area you will be stopping at and if we will be leaving at 9:00am or 11:00am. NOTHING happens before these hours. While you are on the road do everything in your power to not make the coach sway or bump as it disrupts the slumber time or makes the I-pod skip.

This knowledge is necessary so that I can plan my therapy after driving at break-neck speeds to our destination. It could be ‘retail therapy’ but more than likely I need to know where the nearest liquor store is because by the end of our travel day I will definitely need a good stiff drink!

Cowgirls are like barbed wire…Handle with Care.

How long is that line up now ladies?

You had better have cleaned the front windows to a totally transparent sheet of glass or “You are just going to ruin my pictures”. It is a little hard but possible to set the coach on cruse and climb around onto the front bumper at 60mph to accomplish this task but it does take more dexterity than I have any more.

The windows need to be clean so that I can see where I’m headed. Yes, I do all of the driving. I just let him sit in his captain’s chair and hold the steering wheel.

When you finally arrive at your Rv Park after a grueling 4 hour drive you may hear. “I don’t care what site we have”. . SHE DOESN’T MEAN IT, SHE DOEN’T MEAN IT, believe me. Did I say “SHE DOESN’T MEAN IT”.

Some of the

I only made “THAT” mistake ONCE. If there is a lake she will be beside it. If it has a scenic view she will be viewing it. If she would like shade get your shovel and start moving that huge elm. If the sun is going down in the wrong spot----You get it.

Well, that’s just because I can’t handle the light in my eyes while I’m suffering through the grueling migraine that he and his cursing has caused.

Well this has been different. As I mentioned at the outset I have an extreme amount of knowledge just not sure I used any of it as I have written this but in ending The Princess and I have had the greatest times of our lives since we started this journey 7 years ago. I wouldn’t trade any of the memories we share for a million bucks. To say you love your best friend sounds a little smushy but there you have it and She’s still as purdy as a new red wagon.

I have attempted to add some pearls of wisdom it this passage. You will have to sort through to find them. Since this may be the last any of you hear from me always remember.

‘Pearls’ – meaning rare! You really have to search for any wisdom at all in his words.

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen are defrocked, shouldn’t it follow that cowboys would be deranged.

Now, where did that line up disappear to?

Ending note: The one thing that I do agree with in his post is that for the past seven years – it has been one heck of a ride and I wouldn’t have traded it or the memories for a million bucks!